Walking Dead - SPOILER ALERT

SPOILER ALERT - In season 4, episode 9, of Walking Dead… My daughter comes out of her room at 11:30pm, coughing and asking for water… and scares the SHIT out of you!

I like Legos because they teach my daughter engineering.

And that being transgender is okay.

I like Legos because they teach my daughter engineering.

And that being transgender is okay.

Weird Request

This past Sunday, my daughter woke up right as I was about to get into the shower. She knocked on the bathroom door, I wrapped a towel around myself and came out to put some cartoons on for her.

When she saw that I was just wearing a towel wrapped around my waist, she asked me if she could hold the towel up for me. I said no (because that’s weird) but I realized later that what my girlfriend heard from the other room (without being able to see it) sounded even weirder…

Zoe: “Oh you’re naked.”

Me: “Yep.”

Zoe: “Can I hold it?”

Me: “No.”

Zoe: “I can hold it for you.”

Me: “No!”

Zoe: “Why can’t I hold it?”

Me: “I’m holding it!”

YAY!!! WE MADE THE SOUP! This is from the first episode of Extreme Cheapskates, which aired last Wednesday. It features Karen Hearn, who is a delight.

In addition to all the crazy stuff she does on the episode, she ALSO haggled down the price of a prosthetic leg at yard sale and purchased fish penicillin from a pet store (because, according to her, it’s a cheap alternative to human penicillin) but we had to cut all of that for time. Please watch ‪#‎ExtremeCheapskates‬

How am I an adult?

At Starbucks, just ordered a “tall blonde, with a little room” then started laughing out loud, imagining what that would look like.

The blonde next to me was not impressed. But she needs to get over herself, she was nowhere near tall enough for the joke in my head to work.

Another shameless selfie, on set for Extreme Cheapskates.

Another shameless selfie, on set for Extreme Cheapskates.

Me, on set for TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé WITH A WALKIE/EAR PIECE (like a boss)

Me, on set for TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé WITH A WALKIE/EAR PIECE (like a boss)

Apparently my daughter knows…

This morning, my daughter jumped onto the couch next to me, got really close to my ear and loudly whispered, “Daaddddyyyy, do you know the word PEEENISSS?”

I started laughing uncontrollably and she said, “What are you laughing about?”

Me: “I just have NO idea where this conversation is going to go.”

Zoe, still whispering: “Well??? Do you know what PEENNISSS means?”

Me: “Yes. Do you?”

Zoe, with a knowing nod and a sly smirk: “That’s why you should never say it unless you whisper.”

Reason # 214 I love my daughter:

I’ve just introduced her to Mystery Science Theater 3000… and she likes it.

Her review: “I like the robots that tell funny bad jokes…. like you do.”

My kid might be funnier than me

Last night, at bedtime, I tripped over a cord near the foot of Zoe’s bed and said, “shit.”

Zoe, of course, said, “oooohhhh.”

So I said, “What? I said ship!”

She looked at sideways and said, “No you didn’t! You said the other word!”

"Uh uh, I said SHIP!"

She squinted her eyes and interrogated, “For real?” I nodded, but we both smiled.

Then later, as I was leaving her room, I tripped over the cord again and said “dammit” and closed the door, hoping she didn’t hear. But from inside her room, I heard her go “ooooohhhh.”

I opened her door, laughed and said “What? I meant DAM it… like dam the water?”

Zoe just smirked at me, knowingly, and said,”Oh right… for the ship.”